The Effects of Divorce

          As a young girl, I always knew that my older brother and I were family. We fought like cats and dogs, but we loved each other nonetheless. However, I always knew that he was "half" me and half someone else. I remember once every couple months driving in the car with my mother behind the wheel, my bother in the passenger seat, and driving an hour to a man's house where Matt would spend the weekend. It took a while for me to really understand it, but this man was my brothers father and someone that made my mother very sad.

          When I got a little older, I started picking up on little things that made it apparent that there had been a falling out between this man and my mother years ago. I knew what divorce was, but I never knew that it would plague the life my mother whom I loved (and still do). As time went on, and my brother got older, I started recognizing the pain in his eyes when he would come home from a weekend at his dads house. He wasn't himself and he was a little more aggressive and rude to the family than any other normal teenager usually was. When I got into high school, and approached the age of dating, I pulled my mom aside and asked her to explain just what happened that made that dynamic so difficult. She sat me down, and told me her story.


          When she was 14, she met Brad for the first time. They attended the same schools, had the same friends, and she was smitten my him. Soon after, they became high school sweethearts. When it came time for him to serve a mission, she lovingly sent him off and vowed to wait for his return. Upon completing his two year mission, they were soon married in the Las Vegas temple and went on to quickly get pregnant with a beautiful baby boy - my brother. Soon after his birth, my mother started noticing qualities emerging from her husband she she had not noticed before. He was elusive, withdrawn, and mean. Come to find out, to her heartbreak, he had lost his testimony, gained an addiction to pornography and alcohol, confided in multiple affairs, and indulged in many other immoral practices. He neglected to care for his newborn son and financially abused my mother. After months of pain, sadness, prayer, and help from family and bishops, my mother made the difficult decision to leave her painful marriage.

          Pain and anger still reside in her heart for what she was put through by the man that she thought she loved so deeply, but she also feels sadness for the man that he became. She shared these experiences with me to assure that I would not find myself in that same situation when I chose to get married. She told me of the many signs to look for in a "troubled soul" and, most importantly, that she was there for me if I ever needed her help or felt troubled myself.

          Divorce has become a more and more prevalent occurrence in our modern society and is something that is prevalent in most families in one way or another. In my mother's painful situation, I think of the worlds of Elder Dallin H. Oaks from the April 2007 General Conference when he said,

"There are many good Church members who have been divorced. I speak first to them. We know that many of you are innocent victims - members whose former spouses persistently betrayed sacred covenants or abandoned or refused to perform marriage responsibilities for an extended period. Members who have experienced such abuse have firsthand knowledge of circumstances worse than divorce."

          This was more than true for my mother and something that was a painful reality for her. However, Elder Oaks goes on to explain how in certain situations like my mothers, "it is needful to have a means to end it." With this divorce and this difficult time in her life came, however, came one of the biggest blessings in her life - my brother. She tells me to this day that she is confident and has a testimony that the reason why God condoned and allowed that poisoned marriage to occur was so that my mother with gain her firstborn son and someone who she is still extremely close to today.
In the end, it all ended up well for my mom. After landing an amazing job at a law firm, buying her first home, and learning to tackle life as a single mom, she was set up on a date with my dad. The rest is history. He is now and has since been the father figure in my brothers life and has continued to provide him with a wonderful example to follow.

          If divorce seems like the only option in a tarnished and broken marriage, sometimes, that may be the case. However, the covenant you make with your spouse in the temple is the most sacred and important covenant you will ever make in this life, so it needs to be fought for. If constant bickering is present in your marriage, that does not automatically translate into the termination of the best and most cherished thing in your life. It might, however, translate into a great opportunity to practice charity, understanding, and many other Christ-like attributes.